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Particle physics explained

17: Community Champion

Scientists at CERN, which operates the Large Hadron Collider are getting very excited.   They have discovered a new subcutaneous particle, which explains the attraction of the Standard Model, a theoretical figure which underlies the principle of Mutual Attraction.   Named the Beauty Quark, this is a substance like soft cheese that promotes healthy growth and is broken down into smaller particles that are conveniently without weight.

These smaller particles are known as Mewons, which are not to be confused with Doggones, which is what the scientists said when they realised what was happening.   The Beauty Quark, it should be pointed out, is not observed in nature, but only in the Large Hadron Collider.   This is to be expected as Mewons only appear on the Catwalk and have no parallel in what the man (and certainly not woman) in the street refers to as “real life”.

The behaviour of Mewons implies the existence of a previously unknown Fundamental Particle and it is believed that this affects Mutual Attraction and therefore the popularity of the Standard Model.

The Large Hadron Collider is a device for crashing things into other things and works on the same principle of a child with a sufficient number of toy cars.   Scientists have basically not grown up, which also helps to explain their obsession with the Standard Model.   They still use the Pirelli Table of the Elements.

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