So, the harsh throngs of Monday's sunlight burst through my curtains, and I arise with a feeling of emptyness in my stomach. Having pre-ordered my iPhone six plus on release day, I am left still suffering the indignation of being a modern man confined to the restraints of an iPhone 4s.
Sue, Tom, Brian and all the others I have spoken to at Vodafone have all been very pleasant, but their empty promises are laid bare in the harsh light of day. Louise who sits opposite me at work has tried to cheer me up by letting me hold her iPhone 5, but her and her harlot technology cannot satiate the cravings I have for that big screen. To feel my palm stretched open by the magnificence of a 5.5 inch display. To be able to take photos of my lunchtime sandwich in glorious crisp focus pixel definition, and who knows, maybe even a 240fps slow motion video of me eating it. I feel like Jason and his ill fated argonauts travelling to Colchis to retrieve the golden fleece, but in this case, I am Jason and the golden fleece is, well, it's out of stock.
I feel like I should call Vodafone customer service again, as at the very least it will give me someone to talk to tonight, but alas, I have now run out of minutes. How can they be so fickle with my emotions? Did I not patiently sit and hit refresh on my browser for two hours on release day? Did I not book the day off work on Friday last week in anticipation of spending a halcyon days embrace with my new iPhone? I had devised exactly which order I was going to have my home screen icons in, although I'm not sure about relegating apple maps to page 2. How can life be so wretched?
Roger from accounts turned up this morning with his iPhone 6 plus in gold, and his typically over done sense of fashion. I hate that man. He wanted to show me how glorious sky sports looks on the new screen, but even if he had the highlights of my beloved Leicester City putting 5 past the dutch yesterday, I could not bring myself to look and made my excuses.
I hope Roger chokes on his cheese and ham sandwich. That'll be worth a selfie.
.png "Moderator (Retired)"){kind=icon}
